The moment when I flick from happily creating or day dreaming or faffing about to having a slight panicked and guilty feeling. It’s a bit like a mild panic attack, a mini freak out when I suddenly question what I am even doing and shouldn’t I be doing something else.
I had one of these yesterday morning, it was a Saturday morning and the house was tidy(enough), the washing was on the line and everyone was busy doing their thing and I was busy being creative, all set up on our dining table, happily creating , when suddenly I had this little guilt attack. I reasoned with myself, is there actually a reason why I shouldn’t be doing exactly what I want to right now? Is there such a thing as too much fun? too much me time? Am I just too self indulgent?
I managed to move through it and out the other side, but later I was thinking about when did this start. I don’t think I had them when I was single and living by myself, certainly not as a teenager. Was it after being married, or after having children, or is it more recently that I am having more time for me. This definitely needs some more reflection, I’ll start with just being aware of when it happens. I think it’s important to work this one out, I want to be a good example for my girls, I’d hope for them that they can pursue their dreams without mini panic/guilt attacks and I think it’s part of my creative journey, perhaps it’s just a little hurdle for me.
Anyway, I’m going to go now and hang out the washing and then start some guilt free creative time/ faffing.