Major things are happening in our family at the moment and I realise that I have switched over to survival mode. I just turned on my computer( which had shut itself down), and waiting for me was my last unpublished blog post. I hadn’t even logged out. I had been writing it as I waited to take my husband to the Doctor. He was really sick, like two weeks off work, 4 doctors appointments and multiple tests sick and I knew one way or another he was heading to hospital.
So I was writing a blog post as you do and I saved the draft and off we went. One hour later he had been admitted to emergency and was on a drip, 13 days later and he is still there and this is the first time I have touched my computer since then.
So the last two weeks are a blur( more tests, Chrohns disease/ulcerative colitis diagnosis, lots of medication,more tests, waiting ,more medication, more waiting).As I type this I’m wondering how he is this morning, what will his text say. Should I be hoping he says he is feeling a little better or preparing myself that he is the same or worse than yesterday. I will make another cuppa and write a list of what actually need to do today. I will find the strength to be a rock for my man who has been my rock for so long. I will try( and probably fail) to put my grief to the side for the times I am around him and our girls. I will put on my brave face. I will walk to the hospital and climb the steps to the third floor coping with the stupid vertigo which has decided to return and keep me company through this shitty time. I will be grown up and strong. I can do this.
Soon I might need to make some difficult decisions about work, money etc, but not today. No, today I am going to drink too many cups of tea, give my girls extra hugs, do only what is essential, buy some organic dark chocolate, hang out in hospital with my man as much as I can, help our youngest pack for her school trip, maybe do a little sketch or some art journal play and hopefully watch another episode of Gilmore Girls before I crash into the sanctuary of sleep and then do it all again tomorrow.
My house will be untidy, my meal plan non existent, my blogging sporadic and my punctuation hopeless, I can’t keep up with blog reading of my bloggy pals blogs, or Instagram feed, I can’t seem to care as much about work stuff, but my family will feel loved and I will take some time each day for me, so that I can keep going…… I am in survival mode!