Get Messy Lists : 4 : Blue

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So I’ve been a bit blue lately ( you may have noticed) and being blue has made it hard for me to sit down and do the things I love. Even though I know that it helps, and sometimes it’s about starting, or that doing things I love makes me feel better. At times I just haven’t had the energy to overcome the feelings like “what’s the point” or that “whatever  create from here is not something I’ll want to remember” kind of feelings. But ….. things are shifting, not externally but more how I’m recognizing the stress I’ve been under, acknowledging my feelings and needs, but not being so consumed or overwhelmed by all the feelings. I know, that’s huge right ?

Do you journal ? Do you write the ugly/bad/sad stuff down in your diary ? Do you make art to express the negative stuff as well as the good things ? Well I struggle with this, I normally only want to write the happy things in my journal, the gratitude, the joy, the love and the things I want to remember. That’s why sadly I destroyed my childhood diaries.

Writing morning pages and  just letting the words pour out has given me a chance to change this. I’m writing it all, not censoring myself , writing quickly scrawling the words so that even I will possibly never be able to read them. It has been really helpful. My big challenge is to be able to do this with art journaling. I’m thinking of ways to approach this in the future, but for now here are my Get Messy inspired pages for this week.

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I got up early before everyone else and these pages just happened. What a beautiful way start to my weekend. I’m nearly ready to be fully present to everyone else and give my time and energy and love to those that matter to me because now I feel like me again.

Thanks for being here to read my words and see my creative explorations. I really am grateful for that, for you for my little blog.

Emily x

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14 thoughts on “Get Messy Lists : 4 : Blue

  1. I just found an old journal two days ago. It is from one of the most tumultuous times of my life, and yet it is so heavily censored it made me sad. Who did I think I could convince? I saw through all those plastic sentences and remembered what it felt like to be me. Then I found a page of writing that had been completely obliterated with scribble over the top of my words. I was so afraid they would betray me, betray the truth. But even so, I needed to write them. What saddens me is that I would love to learn from my younger self. I’d love to learn about what it really is to be that age again, before my daughter gets there. I’d like to be my younger self’s gentle reader. I so wish I hadn’t censored any of it. Vanillified it. I so wish I had been brave enough to tell myself the whole truth of myself back then. I might have liked myself better.
    Glad you are doing morning pages… love these art journal pages. So very sorry that you are feeling blue and down and stressed. 😦 I hope you turn the corner soon.

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    1. I can really relate to this Rachel “vanillafying”. I guess now is my chance to get it out, warts and all so that I can look back later and be proud of my courage to be vulnerable. Thanks for your insightful words and support. xo

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  2. Sorry things are so blue with you just now Emily. Your pages undulate in their depth of colour and that shows how these things come in waves. That’s what I thought when I looked at them. I sometimes do pages that are sad and mad and that I use to explore things that are not all the sunny side of life. That side exists too and it’s powerful, so I think it’s important to go there sometimes because it helps to get it all out. Big hugs lovely xxx

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  3. *Big hug* I’m sorry you are blue Emily, but your blue art journal pages look lovely and calming (to me anyway!). I’m sad I missed yesterday’s catch up but hopefully I will see you soon! xx

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  4. Good on you for recognising and challenging the censor in your head. It’s so important NOT to censor ourselves, especially as women, it’s a message we get hammered with – be sweet, compliant, uncomplaining. That’s not good for us.
    Personally, I have found creativity a fantastic release for some heavy feelings, as well as for the joyful stuff.
    Keep allowing yourself to explore and express all that you’re feeling. Like I always say, better out than in.
    Big hugs to you Emily xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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